How to Find an LGBTQ+ Therapist in NYC
Starting therapy can be overwhelming, especially when you identify as LGBTQ+. As queer people, we have adjusted to a world of professionals that don’t quite understand who we are in our entirety - doctors or therapists that most likely do not identify within our community and sometimes do more harm than good. If given the chance, LGBTQ+ folx prefer to work with an openly LGBTQ+ therapist, and have better outcomes when doing so. As a queer therapist and advocate with over 10 years in the field, I decided to publish this brief guide on how to search for an LGBTQ+ provider, how to prepare for the initial phone consultation and overall what to consider in making your decision.
Searching for LGBTQ-competent therapists:
The first step is identifying 3-5 providers that seem like a good fit and making contact! I wish it was easier to find an LGBTQ+ therapist so be prepared to do a bit of digging. While looking through profiles, keep these questions in mind: Do they have their pronouns listed? Do they use folx instead of folks? Do they talk about their experience with specific communities or just use the blanket LGBTQ+ tag? Based on my experience, here are my recommendations of where to search for an LGBTQ+ therapists or coach:
Google - Search for LGBTQ+ therapists, LGBTQ therapists near me and other related search terms to see who is available in your area. The first page will be full of paid advertising, so make sure to check out the first 1-3 pages of search results.
Alma & Headway - This is a great option if you’re looking to stay in-network with your insurance plan. Alma has a “Get Matched” feature that we love. However, you’ll still need to do some searching for LGBTQ+ competent providers and will definitely want to verify for yourself based on first conversation with them.
MyWellBeing - I love that this service lets you pick an LGBTQ+ or BIPOC identified provider. After filling out a brief form, you will be sent 3 recommended therapist matches. Some folx fill it out twice and play with their responses a bit to get different therapist matches.
Psychologytoday - Not the best but not the worst. Look for Gay Allied/Trans Allied/etc competencies listed on the right side of their profile. You can search by location and even insurance, but the options can feel overwhelming and you may or may not get a response.
Queer Mental Health Database - This is a peer-sourced and shared database of LGBTQ+ providers in New York. It lists everything from major clinics to individual providers, ranging both in price and insurance options!
Manhattan Alternative, National Queer and Trans Therapists of Color Network (NQTTCN), Callen-Lorde, and Identity House are all really great resources for finding LGBTQIA+ therapists.
Preparing for the phone consultation
By now you should have your list of providers and emailed them. Most providers will offer a free 15-20 minute phone consultation, which is a way for both you and the provider to see if you’re a good match. Here are a few questions to reflect on before heading into your first call:
What am I looking to gain in therapy? Be specific, if possible!
How were my previous therapy experiences? What worked or didn’t work? If this is my first time, what questions/concerns/fears do I have about starting?
What specific competencies should my provider have? For instance, sexuality/gender identity, trans-specific experience, affirming of polyamorous, kink, BDSM relationships, BIPOC and/or other cultural or religious/spiritual practices.
What is my ideal day/time for therapy? Budget? Do I need to stay in-network with my insurance? Do I have out of network benefits?
What to ask during the call
The therapist should always give you a few minutes to ask any questions you have! Unfortunately, I’ve found that some providers will say they “work with queer folx” but don’t actually provide affirmative care. Or, they may work with our population but reinforce heternormaitve, monogamous and/or oppressive ideas. I recommend asking at least one question specifically targeting LGBTQ+ competency to see how they respond, and some questions about what kind of therapy they provide:
Do you have a lived experience or trainings in working with LGBTQ+ folx?
Do you have specific experience working with trans, bisexual or [insert specific competency]?
How do you approach sexuality, gender identity and/or gender expression in therapy?
What type of therapy do you provide? Do you consider yourself to be a more structured or hands off type of therapist?
Have you worked with [anxiety, OCD, depression, your specific symptoms] before?
What do sessions cost? Do you have any sliding scale/reduced fee appointments? Do you work with insurance, and/or can you provide a superbill to submit for out of network reimbursement? What is your general availability?
Reflecting after the call
After speaking with each provider, take a few moments to reflect on your experience with them. Don’t forget that you have OPTIONS! You don’t have to work with the first therapist you speak with, and you should get a taste of a few different personalities and styles before finding the right fit:
Was this person easy to speak to? Did you feel you had a connection?
Did they confirm your pronouns and affirm your identity?
Can you see yourself opening up to this person more?
Do you feel like you want to proceed with this provider, or do you want to explore your options and schedule calls with additional therapists?
Will this price/time/day work for me realistically?
Making the decision
By now, you will have spoken to a few different providers and should have a good sense of who you might want to work with. If you have more questions, or realize you didn’t ask earlier providers a question you wish you did, feel free to reach out and send them a follow up email. It’s common for the provider to reach out to you about one week after you first speak, so be on the look out for who feels responsive and interested in working with you. Typically, the first session will be more like a “getting to know each other” chat, and you can expect to talk a little about different areas in life: what brings you into therapy, background on family/career/school/symptoms, and the logistics of therapy. It takes time to build a relationship with a therapist, so be sure to give it a few sessions to see how you feel working with this person. If something doesn’t feel right and you feel comfortable doing so, let them know! For instance, you may have thought you liked a structured approach but actually realize you want something more supportive. If you don’t feel safe, remember that you have the choice to pause or halt therapy at any time and can re-visit your list of providers.
About the Author: Brie Scolaro, LMSW
Brie is an LGBTQ+ identified therapist and performance coach. They are the Co-Director of Aspire Psychotherapy which provides virtual therapy to the LGBTQ+ community in New York. Brie has over 10 years experience working in mental health and human rights as a therapist, manager and policy advocate. Message Brie at info@aspiretherapynyc.com with questions about finding an LGBTQ+ therapist.